you see the problem is... well exactly that! This is going to sound like major rehash, but when i was friends with a certain someone i never had to make my own decisions...everything i did or thought about was dictated by them. and the strange thing was, that i got used to it...i didnt mind at all. and now it drives stash up the wall that i am so damn indecisive...and he's right. and something else he's right about is that i bottle everything up inside until it explodes out...everyone knows what happened last time that happened, don't they??? but anyway i think that i've finally figured out the reason why i do this...before i tried never to let people know when i was angry or upset ... mostly because of the chance that it would all come back on me, or that i would be teased, over my 'stupid idiotic thoughts'...made to feel like i was a moron, that the things i felt were insignificant...maybe they were i dont know...but thats not the point...but after all i shouldnt blame anyone but myself, i let these things happen to me...this isnt an excuse...maybe just a reason...

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