lalalalla...i talked to stizash yesterday...but only for a little while...woohooo..10 mins...do you know what noise fishies make? they go fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy....polar bears do they same...only they go polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear....heh...im hyper...heh...heh...haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
hey people...don't you just hate when something's wrong and you feel like you should be able to fix it or at least make things better... and you can't do anything at all...that helpless feeling is the worst feeling in the world...at least i think so.. i was worried about stash yesterday though...he said something about going to canada....just disappearing for a couple of days...then i got mad and told him that if he' d of actually gone and not even of told me that he had left i would of either said..well you know what? we're through, or if you ever pull a freaking stunt like that again..we will be...i think he got upset when i said that though... but everythings all good now..i just wanted to pull him into my lap and hold him and make him feel better...i can't do that though...he won't let me...i hate that helpless feeling...
if one more thing happens this week...i swear i'm just gonna burst into tears... its hard o just stay in control right now as it is...my mom made me so mad... apparently i was being cranky at home so she asked why, i said that "i am really stressed out right now, cuz i have to many things to do and not enough time to do it in!" so the only reply she had to that was..."well then why did you go to the mall?"... then she told me that i had been really bitchy and needed to go to bed earlier from now on...isn't that just great... your own mom tells you that you are being bitchy...she doesn't care that you are stressed or about to crack...she just simply doesn't care!!! that sucks... i wish stash was here...he can always make everything better with just a hug...i think i'm gonna need a big hug right now...from anyone too...then i got yelled at because i didn't let the dog out and he peed on the floor...i was gone, i came back to drop off a book...the dog wasn't even down there!!!...then i still have to tiptoe around that someone, but thats really hard when they don't know that you know...where are my guys when i need them...i'd take a hug from any of them right now...stash, rick, mike, josh, kurt, even larry...*sigh*
is it just be, or did this year suck? but yah, i mean, not everything has sucked...but a large portion of it has... my first fight with rachel, losing jesse, and all that other stuff...but other things have gotten better...now i have stash...he's been the best thing in my life for a long while now...and then josh and me have gotten closer, me and kurt to ...and who could forget larry??? so i have made new friends and lost a really good one... but there's so much that made this year great, and then so more that just made it really really suck...once skool ends, this will probably go on hiatus...i think that i spelled that right... but do you know what i hate the most of all? i hate tiptoeing around people, just because they having a rough time...that just pisses me off so much!! that is one of the advantages to keeping all your feelings inside, to not sharing with anyone, to never letting anyone know that something is wrong... thats what i do most of the time...if it wasn't for this blog, no one would honestly know how i feel... and thats the way i like to keep things..
hey everybody! things are weird today...its been raining really hard all morning! and the people are acting kind of weird too...hmmm...strange...but oh well...not my business...i don't wanna know...but anyway...i have dance team practice tomorrow...yay! my ears hurt though, cuz i accidently gauged them up...oopsie..oh well...i miss stash, even though i hung out with him everyday from last wednesday until sunday, i still didn't even get to talk to him yesterday... :>(...maybe today, at the latest i'll get to see him tomorrow!