hey y'all like my new layout? joshie's been stressed thats not good...not good at all..things are getting better for me now...except i have a bump on my wrist where i banged into the steering column on stash's jetski and then my ankle is swollen cuz i twisted it on teh stage steps yesterday at dress rehersal...thast really not good when you're recital is tomorrow!!!!!! i got my dance pictures yesterday...they look greattt!!! not seriously they are really cool...they have a mettalic finish on them so they are really shiny... ooooo... i like shiny things..heh...later y'all...i love u
don't think that i'm saying that all of this is the other person's fault or that none of it is mine...i take full responsiblity for a large portion of all this...a major part of it is my own fault...i just hope you don't expect an apology...cuz the only thing that i am willing to apologize for i that made it seem as if it was all you're fault...and it wasn't
do you know what's its like to be friends with someone since 7th grade....and then in about the total space of a week...give or take a year...lose them completely...it sucks...but then again...in some cases, or at least this one...its all for the best...i guess...there's not much left to do but continue on with your life even though you aren't on speaking terms with someone you've talked to just about everyday in your life...imagine that your best friend in the entire world all of a sudden one day... completely out of the blue...just up and says...i'm sick of you, of hearing about your day, your life, you "love" problems, all your problems in fact, and just plain old you...can you imagine what your response might be like? i'd imagine that it'd be somewhat like mine...and then after saying.."maybe this isn't worth fixing...but hey, we can give it another shot if you'd think it would work"...being told...well that's the truth...goodbye...what would you're reaction be? maybe i rely on my friend's opinions too much...maybe that's an understatement...but still would those friendships of lasted even this long if they didn't expect that, or no that sounds wrong...if they didn't mind/want that? i don't think so...oh well...thats what i get for relying on others opionions too much...its time for me to start using my own head and making my own decisions...not letting others make them for me...
mike thinks that things would of happened between us even without jesse's help...jesse...well i am not sure what he thinks...it is most likely that he thinks nothing would have...or it just would of taken sooooooo much longer...me i tend to think like mike...what about you?
yah sure, i miss the way things used to be, but thats not my choice now is it...it is time for me to move on...make new friends, ones that are on my same level...maybe i haven't changed, maybe it ws you who did...but still...you can't fault me for that...and you...mikey... you'er a sweetheart, but sometimes you just don't understand...its not about anyone being mean to me or just not being nice, it has to do with the way things used to be, and the totally different way things are now...and yes, i know...things can;t stay the same way forever... but it was nice having somethings to count on...i guess we know where people's priorities lie now... and nothing can change that. But you see mikey...sometimes i can't help but wonder...would anything of happened between us if not for the aforementioned jesse? without his prodding(how else can i say it), encouraging and interjecting...who knows whatmay have happened... he brought us together in teh first place...in a way..and he tried this last time...who knows...you know what i mean?
i guess that i thought ever thing was so screwed up was because everything is changing...and i don't like it! i miss the wasy things used to be...lets see...me and jesse...we're close...but only sometimes...its not like it used to be...me and joshie...we're closer now...but yet he's not a replacement for jesse...me and mike get along now...thats good...only sometimes i can't help but wonder why he would want to be friends with me...or actually any of them for that matter...how can mike like me? stash too? it just doesn't make sense...at least not to me... i wish that someone could explain it...but someho, i doubt anyone can...and then me and manda...i love her to death...she's my best friend...but sometimes..there are just things thati can't tell her, simply because she wouldn't understand.. sometimes i think no one will...but not always... and then i talk to stash about somethings...but i know that alot of the time...it just either upsets him, makes him mad, or he doesn't fully realize it either...and rachel...ever since all that stuff happened before she still doesn't fully trust me...and a lot of the time i doubt she ever will...but hey i can live with that...later y'all...goto my mboard and tell me what you think about all this...