lalalalla...i talked to stizash yesterday...but only for a little while...woohooo..10 mins...do you know what noise fishies make? they go fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy fishy....polar bears do they same...only they go polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear polar bear....heh...im hyper...heh...heh...haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
hey people...don't you just hate when something's wrong and you feel like you should be able to fix it or at least make things better... and you can't do anything at all...that helpless feeling is the worst feeling in the world...at least i think so.. i was worried about stash yesterday though...he said something about going to canada....just disappearing for a couple of days...then i got mad and told him that if he' d of actually gone and not even of told me that he had left i would of either said..well you know what? we're through, or if you ever pull a freaking stunt like that again..we will be...i think he got upset when i said that though... but everythings all good now..i just wanted to pull him into my lap and hold him and make him feel better...i can't do that though...he won't let me...i hate that helpless feeling...
if one more thing happens this week...i swear i'm just gonna burst into tears... its hard o just stay in control right now as it is...my mom made me so mad... apparently i was being cranky at home so she asked why, i said that "i am really stressed out right now, cuz i have to many things to do and not enough time to do it in!" so the only reply she had to that was..."well then why did you go to the mall?"... then she told me that i had been really bitchy and needed to go to bed earlier from now on...isn't that just great... your own mom tells you that you are being bitchy...she doesn't care that you are stressed or about to crack...she just simply doesn't care!!! that sucks... i wish stash was here...he can always make everything better with just a hug...i think i'm gonna need a big hug right now...from anyone too...then i got yelled at because i didn't let the dog out and he peed on the floor...i was gone, i came back to drop off a book...the dog wasn't even down there!!!...then i still have to tiptoe around that someone, but thats really hard when they don't know that you know...where are my guys when i need them...i'd take a hug from any of them right now...stash, rick, mike, josh, kurt, even larry...*sigh*
is it just be, or did this year suck? but yah, i mean, not everything has sucked...but a large portion of it has... my first fight with rachel, losing jesse, and all that other stuff...but other things have gotten better...now i have stash...he's been the best thing in my life for a long while now...and then josh and me have gotten closer, me and kurt to ...and who could forget larry??? so i have made new friends and lost a really good one... but there's so much that made this year great, and then so more that just made it really really suck...once skool ends, this will probably go on hiatus...i think that i spelled that right... but do you know what i hate the most of all? i hate tiptoeing around people, just because they having a rough time...that just pisses me off so much!! that is one of the advantages to keeping all your feelings inside, to not sharing with anyone, to never letting anyone know that something is wrong... thats what i do most of the time...if it wasn't for this blog, no one would honestly know how i feel... and thats the way i like to keep things..
hey everybody! things are weird today...its been raining really hard all morning! and the people are acting kind of weird too...hmmm...strange...but oh well...not my business...i don't wanna know...but anyway...i have dance team practice tomorrow...yay! my ears hurt though, cuz i accidently gauged them up...oopsie..oh well...i miss stash, even though i hung out with him everyday from last wednesday until sunday, i still didn't even get to talk to him yesterday... :>(...maybe today, at the latest i'll get to see him tomorrow!
hey y'all like my new layout? joshie's been stressed thats not good...not good at all..things are getting better for me now...except i have a bump on my wrist where i banged into the steering column on stash's jetski and then my ankle is swollen cuz i twisted it on teh stage steps yesterday at dress rehersal...thast really not good when you're recital is tomorrow!!!!!! i got my dance pictures yesterday...they look greattt!!! not seriously they are really cool...they have a mettalic finish on them so they are really shiny... ooooo... i like shiny things..heh...later y'all...i love u
don't think that i'm saying that all of this is the other person's fault or that none of it is mine...i take full responsiblity for a large portion of all this...a major part of it is my own fault...i just hope you don't expect an apology...cuz the only thing that i am willing to apologize for i that made it seem as if it was all you're fault...and it wasn't
do you know what's its like to be friends with someone since 7th grade....and then in about the total space of a week...give or take a year...lose them completely...it sucks...but then again...in some cases, or at least this one...its all for the best...i guess...there's not much left to do but continue on with your life even though you aren't on speaking terms with someone you've talked to just about everyday in your life...imagine that your best friend in the entire world all of a sudden one day... completely out of the blue...just up and says...i'm sick of you, of hearing about your day, your life, you "love" problems, all your problems in fact, and just plain old you...can you imagine what your response might be like? i'd imagine that it'd be somewhat like mine...and then after saying.."maybe this isn't worth fixing...but hey, we can give it another shot if you'd think it would work"...being told...well that's the truth...goodbye...what would you're reaction be? maybe i rely on my friend's opinions too much...maybe that's an understatement...but still would those friendships of lasted even this long if they didn't expect that, or no that sounds wrong...if they didn't mind/want that? i don't think so...oh well...thats what i get for relying on others opionions too much...its time for me to start using my own head and making my own decisions...not letting others make them for me...
yah sure, i miss the way things used to be, but thats not my choice now is it...it is time for me to move on...make new friends, ones that are on my same level...maybe i haven't changed, maybe it ws you who did...but still...you can't fault me for that...and you...mikey... you'er a sweetheart, but sometimes you just don't understand...its not about anyone being mean to me or just not being nice, it has to do with the way things used to be, and the totally different way things are now...and yes, i know...things can;t stay the same way forever... but it was nice having somethings to count on...i guess we know where people's priorities lie now... and nothing can change that. But you see mikey...sometimes i can't help but wonder...would anything of happened between us if not for the aforementioned jesse? without his prodding(how else can i say it), encouraging and interjecting...who knows whatmay have happened... he brought us together in teh first place...in a way..and he tried this last time...who knows...you know what i mean?
i guess that i thought ever thing was so screwed up was because everything is changing...and i don't like it! i miss the wasy things used to be...lets see...me and jesse...we're close...but only sometimes...its not like it used to be...me and joshie...we're closer now...but yet he's not a replacement for jesse...me and mike get along now...thats good...only sometimes i can't help but wonder why he would want to be friends with me...or actually any of them for that matter...how can mike like me? stash too? it just doesn't make sense...at least not to me... i wish that someone could explain it...but someho, i doubt anyone can...and then me and manda...i love her to death...she's my best friend...but sometimes..there are just things thati can't tell her, simply because she wouldn't understand.. sometimes i think no one will...but not always... and then i talk to stash about somethings...but i know that alot of the time...it just either upsets him, makes him mad, or he doesn't fully realize it either...and rachel...ever since all that stuff happened before she still doesn't fully trust me...and a lot of the time i doubt she ever will...but hey i can live with that...later y'all...goto my mboard and tell me what you think about all this...
prom is today!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! and then im gonna go spend the nite at paula's house...now that should be interesting, and then we're going back to greg's tomorrow at 11...wow...i'm not gonna be home like all weekend...oh well...i don't know if i need to bring anything wih me or not...oh well...i guess i'll find out!!! i'm getting ready at stash's house...not that he'll be there of course...so anyway yah...PDD until wednesday!!! yay!!! i wonder if anyone ever knew that i liked Rick except the LO kids and keith ? well who knows? later y'all!!! i gotta go do science!
hey hey hey...whats up y'all? im bored... prom is tomorrow!!! yay....anyway...what up with you? i miss all the first kids, well some of them...that is...hopefully i'll get my postcards soon!!! anyway...i had to have a talk with stash yesterday...things are all good now...but i said something that i now i kinda regret saying...cuz he didn't say it back...so now im not gonna say it again, unless he does too that is...i should've listened to jesse...oh well...later ya'll
hey hey hey...im bored...and stash said something that confused me...i don't get what he means by it... oh well.... i'll figure it out sooner or later...i am not sure whats up with JB either...i am screwed up...i can't figure anything out...somethings wrong with me head....oh well...not too much i can do about it...later y'all
lalalalla...no full days of skool left for a week and or so!!!!!!! so anyway...yah i have a half day today..no exams and a halfday tomorrow...one exam...oh well...nbd...and then i have business and personal law...so yay like i said joshies not moving...i had a bad dream about stash last nite,....(no not like that...) i dreamed that stash came over, but i had my pajamas on still cuz i wasn't ready yet and then so i wen tot go change for half an hour and he left before i came back down...so then i called him again...and he said i don't want to come over anymore unless we actually go do something other than watch cartoons...and then he broke up with me..it ws weirder than that..i just don't know how to explain it..oh well...latee y'all
hey y'all...i am at skool...still...but not for too much longer hopefully...after this i have dance until 5and then i have to be at open lab at 6 until 8 and then i am gonna call the stashinator...and yes i just called him the stashinator...my mommy calls him that...heh heh heh...i love you all...heh...
howdy y'all...guess what i get to stay at school until 9:00-ish....yay...and larry (ldawg) is coming back to school today i hope...(keep your fingers crossed)... i miss him...ummm....yah...i miss all the first kids too...the really bad thing is that i have feelign that if jesse quits OSMTech then we are gonan grow even farther apart and then that'll be the end of us...and i don't want that to happen...hmmm...i g2g love ya lots
umm yah...since none of this is seeming to work i am just gonna have to post to a blogspot and link irt to my new site which isn't up and running yet... hmmmm... strange...and guess what? i get to go to prom!!! i'm gonna go with stash...(no not larry) and it hopefully will be a lot of fun...hopefully is the key there though... OMG!!!! stash it seems still has issues with my age...i just hope he won't break up with me on his bday when he turns 18...it 2 days after prom too...ohhh that sucks... oh well what can i do?
hey everyone!!! whats up with y'all? guess what? i was at school yesterday from 7:30am-5:15 pm...lots o fun...NOT!!! but hey at least i got 6 service learning hours...only a few left!!! yay!!! so yah we're all gonna go cosmic bowling on friday after F & F nite...any ya'll wanna come just email me or something...k?
later y'all...luv ya...KP
later y'all...luv ya...KP
wow...its been so long!!!....anyway..yah...busybusybusy...thats me!!!! i have trio practice, dance and a concert tonite...phooeey....at least i get to see stash at school today!!!and then hopefully we can get together tomorrow...actually im surprised that we aren't sick of each other yet....i mean we spend a whole lot of time together...maybe more than we should...nah...holly guys are hot...love all y'all
hi everybody! i'm at osmtech...were back to doing the "science" thing again...i don't wanna...and since josh isn't here...im not going to either...oh well...rocky says he's in the "hardest weight class" ok whatever...umm yah...yesterday, i got indirectly licked by RICK! cuz i had something drawn on my hand and he just ups and licks his finger and erases it from my hand...why...i don't know....only i made the mistake of telling stash...not a good idea...he got a little mad...cuz he gets jealous once in awhile...only he's not nearly as bad as colin ever was!..well i g2g.. ...i'll keep you posted!!
ummm...yah...jon did call stash...now i feel bad...remind me never to give out my boyfriend's phone number to random people anymore...so yah anyway...my weekend was pretty boring...i went to a party where i knew like no one...it was fun though...and then stash came over for like 8.5 hours on saturday...and then i had to write my stupid fibonacci paper...stupid thing...Rocky's talking to me again...yay!..i g2g i love all y'all
yah...im back again...my lip hurts...ouch...it split..not cool...anyway...yah im done with my flash thing...and i'm bored out of my mind...not to mention that i screwed up my website...it doesn't work anymore...oh well..no one minds...its not like anyone goes there anyway...i wanna go home...well actually i wanna go to stash's house...or something...i just wanna spend some time with him again...oh well...oh yah by the way...rocky got disqualfied in regionals...bad call by the ref...and colin hates history...but so do i...partly because he and his dumb friends are there...oh well...yah and i'm rambling...on oand on and on and on and on ....etc.....you get the point...i wonder i jon ever called stash...hmmmm
hahahahahhahahaha...mike i is dating a freshman holly girl...why do i seem to find it so incredibly funny though? i for one certainly don't have a clue as to why...oh well its at least funny to me...and thats all that matters anyway! Y'all wanna know something else i don't get? so what if "they" wanted to take their boyfriends to the LP concert...who cares...it really shouldn't be that big of a deal in the first place...after all...it is their boyfriends....they don't get to see then all that often...whatever...its screwed up...i don't see why she cares so much....oh well it desn't matter to me!!! so anyway...manda's party is tonite...hope i'll have fun...see y'all later...and don't forget i love MOST of you!
i'm starting to think that when i say that i suck at everything, people don't take me seriously...even though i am serious...i don' think that they get my philosophy on life...you see the way that i see it is...if you just assume that you suck at everything, then it doesn't hurt quite so much, when you find out you actually do...makes sense doesn't it? it does to me!
hey! i was gonna post yesterday, but i got kicked off before i could...then stash came over...its not good...he can tell i'm thinking about something...and i think he can tell thats its something that i don't want to tell him...well at least not yet... i saw stash everyday last week from sunday 2/10 - yesterday well except for saturday...i went to the mall with larry and jesse that day...i was being really really really dumb...i was talking about before i really got to know stash...and about how i didn't really notice him cuz of the other person i liked (rocky for all you dumb kids..jk)and i told him about how i liked this person for 3 years...i think that might of scared him...especially since i won't tell him who it was...well i got to go...oh and just so all you know...i think i still love everyone..i can't decide..
hi again! yah yah i know, i'm a bad blogger, i rarely post everyday now...no time really, especially now that i actually have to WORK in science again...so yah, it's monday...the suckiest day of all days, except this week we don't have school so it doesn't count!!! so anyway, Solo and Ensemble Festival (s&e) was on saturday..me and jesse so desevered a 1 on our duet...(we got a two)..but we had stupid clarinet 3 for a judge, so noooooooooooo....and our trio was AWESOME!!!! go me jesse and larry...we got a 1 and are definitely going to states now...yay!!!! and yah so like i said, it's monday, and stash had his surgey this morning, i went and visited him for about and hour and a half earlier...he was hopped up on vicadin (sp) he's cute when he's drugged...and he's cute when he's not too... but hey, it works...i changed my mind again, even if rocky asked me out...i wouldn't give up stash for anyone...i am passed my original stage i mentioned last time...do you think stash is cute?
i am so incredibaly sick of school, oh well,no school next week...YAY!!! so anyway stash has his surgery on monday, i might go visit him when he comes home,maybe, and then we have solo and ensemble festival on saturday (go us) and pep band today after school...busy busy busy...guess what i really like stash, really, really really, only i have a problem...you know when you are at that stage, when you like other people but you still kinda like another person...thats what stage im at..well i g2g...BYE
school sucks....no really!!! anyway...science is so dumb...i should be working onthat...oh well i will be soon...i am so busy this week, monday we stayed afterschool and practiced, tuesday i had dance, oh and stash is so sweet, he stayed afterschool with me, even though he didnt need too!!! and then today, wednesday, i am going over to stash's house, (he had to see the surgeon this morning), thursday i have dance again, and friday i have pep band, bowling (maybe) and thats it...oh and then on saturday, we have solo and ensemble festival...busy busy busy....sunday i am not doing anything that i kow of yet...oh well i g2g i love all y'all!
hi again everyone! i am so BORED!!! we had snow days for the last two days, which wasn't actually all that bad considering i got to actually see stash then...oh yes and speaking of stash...heh...yesterday i decided to go bowling with him and all his friends..we (me and my dad) passed him on the way over, he got pulled over, and he got a ticket...he wasn't too happy though...
hey again...sorry it has been so long since i have been able to post!! ummm yah, so stash came over on saturday...for 9.5 hours..and then he came over again sunday...only for 4 hours this time though...my brother and my neighbors were all spying on us through the basement window though, and they videotaped us laying on the couch together (nothing was happening!) and then my brother claims he saw us making out...we weren't!!! (at least not when he was there...) crazy thats what this is crazy...anyway...and then yesterday was hat day...we finally didn't miss it for once!!! i was wearing stash's hat...its at my house right now though...i forgot to give it back again...well i better go see y'all later...and don't forget how much i love you!!!
yay!!! its FRIDAY!!!!!!i love fridays...no more school for the weekend... wahoo... anyway...i don't think that i am gonna go to pepband...no one that i wanna be with is gonna be at the game...maybe i'll go do somethign with stash ...unless he goes tothe game and works concessions...which he just might do...well i g2g nothing importants happening right now..so bye...!!!!
hi!..whats up? i am working (supposedly) on my adobe cd cover thingy....only im not...everyone else is going to pine knob on tuesday...not me of course tough...atually i haven't been invited officially...not that i could go anyway, i have my class...and maybe i'll go hang out with stash afterwards...oh yah speaking of stash...i finally went to his house yesterday...i was there for about 2 hours or something like that, and then we went back to my house for another hour and a half...it was so funny though...we were sitting on his couch in the basement watchng cartoons...he had his arm around me and i had my head on his stomach, and guess who walks in...? his neighbor and friend...Greg! so they start talking, im just stting there pretending i wasn't there...and then greg was like "well i can see you're a little distracted right now..." so he went and played on stash's computer...oh well...oh and his litle brother was fighting with his mom...heard a lot of f words, all in a row too...and then when he drove me home, he found out that his little brother zach wrote something perverted on his car window...but he rolled down the window and wouldn't let me see so you know it wasn't cool...oh well...see all you guys later...love ya!
hiiiii!!!! so whats up with all of you? sorry i haven't posted in so long...i've been busy, and without computer access...yah so anyway, friday i had exams and then me and jesse and stash went to the basketball game..pep band woo...and then on saturday, stash came over before he went to the monster truck thingy...(i should of gone after all...mike went too) and then my friend amanda came over and spent the night...and then on sunday i went to pine knob with rachel and boatman...we bonded...as rachel would say...heehee...and stash went snowboarding on monday with his family and fractured his wrist...not cool...i feel so bad for him...well whatcha gonna do..i love all you...
hi! ummm yah...today is interesting....i'm at OSMTech ....there are a whole three kids here...me, kurt, and jesse...yay...not...if boatman and greyson were here, then we would play ERS...and jesse thinks i have yummy bagels...and yes i'm speaking literally...oh nevermind...i was really mad at ben cuz he told mike everything i said to him on the phone, only...then i rethought it and it is better cuz now i don't have to tell him myself!!! he's a sweetie, but i like stash so much more...yep i really really do...i love all y'all!
yay...now its monday..i took my math exam in 35 minutes..we had an hour...anyway...on satuday me and stash went to the movies...we saw orange county...it was funny...and then we to my house and played playstation with my five year old cousin...lots o fun...and i finally got to talk to ben...mike was in the car...oh yah...that was smart...im so cool...not...i love everyone still....
yo...everyone..nothing can go wrong today...i am so happy...stash asked me out last nite...yay...anyway..i still havent heard from ben..maybe later today...my mom saw stash and his sis at the grocery store..i was at dance, i didn't see him...i just gotta think of what to say to ben...oh i know...i will figure out how to tell mike that i dont want to be anthing more than friends..without hurting him..cuz getting hurt sucks..dontcha think? i love everyone...at least for now...
i love you too jesse!!! well you know what i mean...i love everyone..at the moment at least...so yah i went to the mall with stash yesterday...we were there for about 3 hours or so..we had fun..i guess..anyway...so i got haome at like 7:40 and my mom thought i was high or something cuz my eyes were all red from mny contacts...that was screwy but so then at like 8:30 the phone rings..i was assuming that it was my dad...but lo and behold, big surprise...it was stash's friend chris..ya know the one that likes RACHEL! and so i thought he was gona ask me something about rachel but instead he asked me out for stash!..he kept going on and on about how he didn't want stash to pass up this opportunity and that i was the right girl for him and everything...it was kinda strange...and he wouldn't tell me if stash knew about this or if he was there or anything like that..it was weird oh well..now i g2g to LOtown and find out if stash knew about it in the first place...uh-oh..what if he doesn't? well then i'll just be screwed...i love you guys...